The Connected Child (Dr. Karyn Purvis)

During our adoption process, my husband and I were required by our (wise, oh so wise) agency to seek multidimensional education in adoption parenting...which, by the way, can be both the same and yet also very different as parenting biological children.  

The Connected Child is a book that came up in nearly every reference list of every conference presenter, web training, international adoption medical seminar, and conversation with other adoptive parents, and for good reason. This stuff is gold.

Though this work is really more a reference book than one to read cover-to-cover, I did it anyway. Hard headed, I am, indeed. Filled with practical tips for meeting the highly specific needs of children who have difficult histories, this book has rightly earned its place in the very tight circle of adoption parents. Truth be told, the explicit instructions for nurturing children is good for parents of any type.

I would recommend reading the first few chapters, skimming the rest, and utilizing that Table of Contents and Index to the best of one's ability. This one's a keeper, people.

The Connected Child (Dr. Karyn Purvis)

Choosing to SEE (Mary Beth Chapman)

Thanks to a hot Kindle sale, I was able to read this narrative biographical journey of Mary Beth and the Chapman family throughout their rather tumultuous life experiences. In the book, she tells of her early life together with Christian singer/songwriter Steven Curtis Chapman. She also tells of their family's growth through birth and through adoption. She writes very candidly about the sad accident which caused the death of little Maria, one of their daughters. This is a book that resonates with every mother, and unlike many of the popular "celebrity" books written today, Mrs. Mary Beth is as real as it gets. I'm thankful for her courage in writing this book.

Choosing to SEE (Mary Beth Chapman)

Raising Adopted Children (Lois Ruskai Molina)

Of all the adoption books I read, this was by far one of the most comprehensive. It is my opinion that frequently adoption book authors make the mistake of either being either too flowery with not enough actual helpful content or being too cold and diagnostic without the proper accent of emotion. This book struck a good balance between the two. 

One of my favorite aspects was that she went to great care to include tips and advice for every possible scenario in adoptive families. It was the first time I've read a book that includes information for adoptive families who already have biological children, and advice on how to promote bonding between the two. It was for the first time that I read in this book a several-page section detailing adoption and breastfeeding, and how and when to decide if it's right for your family. 

I've long since returned this one to the library, but still my mind drifts back to statements of truth about the adoption experience from this book. That probably means it's time for a hard copy to go on my shelf! 

Raising Adopted Children (Lois Ruskai Molina)

Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother (Jana Wolff)

(This library issue was an older copy. The newer version features updated cover art.)

In this charmingly poignant memoir, Jana Wolff gets away with the kind of transparency most adoptive moms find elusive. In her honesty, she gets to say all the things adoptive mothers think at one point or another in their process. She gets to share the brutally honest "Dear Birth Mother" letter she really wanted to write, and she gets the chance to pop off all the witty retorts she'd ever thought toward people's nosy inquiries or observations about her son.

She gets to do all of this because Jana Wolff knows she is preaching to the audience. She has adoptive moms pegged from the prologue, and that makes this a great read; light, simple, and fun, but also serious and emotional.

Wolff and her husband (both Jewish) adopted their biracial son (whose heritage is a blend of black and Hispanic races) through a domestic, open adoption. This book chronicles their adoption experience from facing infertility to moving along into the adoption process, and all the way from interviewing with birth mothers to witnessing the birth of their son and beyond into their new life as a family. Wolff infuses each step with a clear depiction of her thoughts and emotions at each stage, which makes this an invaluable book for adoptive mothers. Having recently completed an adoption process (even though mine was neither domestic nor open), I found myself deeply comforted by Wolff's observations and emotional candor. I wish I'd had this book to read at the beginning of our journey!

For more information on Jana Wolff, go to: http://www.janawolff.com. I found the page with her articles and blog posts quite interesting!

Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother (Jana Wolff)

Reclaiming Adoption: Missional Living Through the Rediscovery of Abba Father (Dan Cruver, John Piper, Jason Kovacs, Scotty Smith, & Richard Phillips)

Having recently experienced international adoption and having my eyes opened in such radical ways, I've also become sensitive to the adoption community. My family has attended adoption conferences and seminars, and have been able to learn from some incredible thinkers in the adoption world. The authors of this book are among them.

My husband and I felt called to adopt an orphan, and it was during the long and arduous process that we learned levels of Ephesians 1 that we had never contemplated before. How very interesting it is that while the most significant encounter of our lives is becoming adopted into the family of God, (and for Christians is the primary motive for adopting), it is nearly insurmountable that we truly and fully understand the depth of our adoption by God until we have experienced the adoption of our own child.

"One of my dreams is that when Christians hear the word adoption, they will think first about their adoption by God." (author Dan Cruver, first chapter, first sentence). Dan, along with several other authors, sets out to encourage just that in their newly released book Reclaiming Adoption. Within each chapter, John Piper, Dan Cruver, Jason Kovacs, Scotty Smith, and Richard Phillips each take turns delving into separate and unique characteristics of our vertical adoption as God's children, along with application in the horizontal adoption of our own children here on Earth.

The voice of each writer is evident, as is their careful choreography of collective authorship. I found their words encouraging as an adoptive mother and as a believer striving to grow in my relationship with God.  I also found myself quite pleasantly surprised and challenged by their fresh ideas in our meditations as believers of being adopted as heirs with Christ, as well as some cutting edge thoughts and philosophies in regard to orphan care within the church.

Thanks to my Kindle, I can easily navigate back to my list of notes, marks, and highlights from this book. It is truly the mark of a great work when, out of its 100 or so pages, I have 50 of these notations to review.

For more information about the authors, the book, or the T4A network, visit:
http://www.togetherforadoption.org/?page_id=9056

http://www.amazon.com/Reclaiming-Adoption-Missional-through-Rediscovery/dp/1456459503/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1294978860&sr=8-1

Reclaiming Adoption: Missional Living Through the Rediscovery of Abba Father (Dan Cruver, John Piper, Jason Kovacs, Scotty Smith, & Richard Phillips)

Hey y'all!

So I wanted to explain my hiatus...in the past few months my family of 3 traveled to Uganda, Africa, stayed there for nearly 6 weeks, and returned home as a family of 4! We've had a very exciting few months, and my blogging has simply not kept up with my reading as of late.

I do have 12, that's right, t-w-e-l-v-e posts in the works. And that might catch me up to my current read.

They're good ones, too. ;)

Hey y'all!

Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew (Sherri Eldridge)

This book is a truly helpful resource in helping adoptive parents understand some of the issues of grief and loss that their adopted children will face throughout their lives. Despite the fact that adoption is a great thing, and that healthy families are brought together and thriving through adoption, there are issues that many adopted children will face. It is their parents' responsibility to become knowledgeable about the issue, triggers that may set off sadness and anger for adoptees, and the important of validating their children's feelings and empathizing with their kids as they hurt. The adoptive parent must realize that even though the child is being welcomed into a loving and excited family, some type of rejection took place (almost always tragic circumstances or through a birth parent's inability to raise their child) first. Some adoptees struggle with this more than others. The most important thing is for the adoptive parents to realize that these feelings are legitimate, and to guide their child to grieve in a healthy way. The worst thing adoptive parents can do is to ignore or repress these feelings of sadness, grief, and loss. 

According to this book, written by an adoptee, the best things adoptive parents can do are to validate their children's feelings, frequently assure them in many ways that they are welcomed and worthy, and to recognize and honor the biological differences between them. Adoptive parents should also respect their child's confidentiality. They should talk to their child about how much information regarding their adoption should be shared, and to respect the child's boundaries and preferences in this. With transracial adoptions, the fact that they are adopted will be obvious to many. The adopted child, however, still should maintain control over the details that are shared about his or her adoption. 

The fact that this is written by an adoptee makes it the most valuable resource on this topic. I've read a lot of research about what scientists and child development specialists and child psychologists and pediatricians say about parenting a child through adoption. Listening to the voice of an actual adoptee carries much more weight. 

There are many helpful lists and suggested responses to children's questions and expressions of fear or sadness in this book, which make it a handy reference guide throughout the child-rearing years. 

Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew (Sherri Eldridge)

There's a Princess in Me! (Sheila Walsh)

Shouldn't every girl feel like a princess? 

Gigi is a character who tells, via rhyme, all the ways that there is a princess in her...despite all her failings and imperfections. As she describes her mistakes, she also shares that her free gift is the promise of being a child of God's, of being His princess. There are verses included to explain these promises from the Lord. (Colossians 3:12, 1 John 3:1)

He looks past the mess.

He says she is precious.

He declares that there is a princess in her!

I think the nicest touch is the mirror on the front of the book, so that every little girl can see herself with the title There's a Princess in Me proclaimed over her face! 

There's a Princess in Me! (Sheila Walsh)

Just in Case You Ever Wonder (Max Lucado)

A mom and dad tell their daughter how much she means to them, and how wonderful they think she is. They tell her why she is special, that God looked and looked for just the right family before sending her to them, and that they will always be there for her. It is one of the best books a parent can read to his or her children!

My favorite page, which echoes everything I want my own children to treasure about themselves:
"The same hands that made the stars made you.
The same hands that made the canyons made you.
The same hands that made the trees and the moon and the sun made you.
That's why you are so special. God made you."

(sniff sniff)

Just in Case You Ever Wonder (Max Lucado)

I Love My Hair! (Natasha Anastasia Tarpley)

 This book is for every little girls of African descent  who wishes their hair was more like other ethnicities on the planet, which is apparently more common that I thought.

Keyana takes us through the process of her mother fixing her hair, including the soothing application of coconut oil and the harsh tugging and pulling of the comb. She describes how her mother can weave her hair into a soft, fluffy bun, she can let it be free, she can part and braid it in straight lines "like the way we plant seeds in our garden,"and she can braid it into tiny little sections with click-clacky beads on the end. Keyana tells about how she felt when other kids teased her about her hair, but that her parents assure her that her hair is a blessing, and to be proud of her hair means to be proud of where she came from.

 I love that this book can be used to help all girls, regardless of their race, remember that their hair makes them beautiful!

In the Author's Note, Tarpley tells readers about how she struggled with and against her hair for years, trying chemicals to straighten it and cutting it super short. Eventually she came to peace with her hair just as it was meant to be, which is what she passes along to other girls who want their hair to be something it's not, and was never meant to be.

I Love My Hair! (Natasha Anastasia Tarpley)

Ruby Holler (Sharon Creech)

Dallas and Florida are twins-brother and sister, misunderstood, orphans, and stuck in a terrible foster environment. They have been betrayed by every adult in their life, and have never known the privilege of a safe, stable family. One day they are sent to live with Tiller and Sairy, an older couple who live down in Ruby Holler. There in Ruby Holler, Tiller and Sairy peel back the layers on these twins until they are finally able to see them for who they are. In fact, Dallas and Florida come to help save Tiller and Sairy, even from themselves.

I loved this book, and count is as one of my new favorites! A discussion on each individual character would be very lively, no doubt. Ruby Holler is an easy read and relatively suspenseful. It would make a great read-aloud or book study for a 3rd or 4th grade class.

Ruby Holler (Sharon Creech)

The Pinballs (Betsy Byars)

Carlie, Thomas J, and Harvey are in foster care. Carlie likens them to pinballs, bouncing around from one place to another without having any care or control over who or what they slam into. Each of the kids has their own heart-breaking story, and they are as united by their tragedies as they are by the love of their foster parents. When Harvey hits rock bottom, it is up to Carlie and Thomas J to bring him back to the land of the living.

I really loved this story, and the insight into the minds of children who have been damaged. It is good to remember that these kids rarely feel the way that we think they should, or sometimes even the way we want them to. Both the characters in this story, and real life children in foster care must be granted the dignity of maintaining control over their own thoughts and feelings, as well as their story.

The Pinballs (Betsy Byars)

The Good Earth (Pearl S. Buck)

As a reader, I often sail through pieces of literature or nonfiction.   With a goal to read everything (yes, truly), many times I underestimate how deeply a book can affect a person. The Good Earth is one of those rare books that has a deep and lasting hold on my heart. After about a month of reading it, I finally completed it last night, and lay awake thinking of the characters and wondering what happened so some of them and why they experienced one issue or another in the book. This family and this culture is one I will not soon forget.

The Good Earth is set in pre-revolutionary China. The main character is Wang Lung, and we meet him on his wedding day. He is a simple man but capable and very willing of hard work. His own father has ingrained in Wang Lung that nothing is more important than the land. The land that his family owns is one of the few constants in this book. I have thought often of its symbolism and irony.
Thanks to Wang Lung's (and his wife's, whose name is O-Lan) incredible devotion to his land, and to hard work, the land is profitable. They live in peaceful sufficiency, until a great drought comes upon the land. O-Lan works wonders with her creative ability to stretch what little food they have, but eventually it is not enough. Horrible atrocities take place when vast populations of people go hungry. Animals are eaten. Children are sold. Children are eaten. Families are attacked and torn apart. One of the saddest aspects of this culture is shown during the times of famine, which is that there is no respect whatsoever for human life...especially females. It is sad to the point of being absolutely maddening.

Eventually, Wang Lung and his family are once again able to work on their land that is once again fruitful. It is so fruitful, actually, that very quickly he becomes a very rich man. Soon their original earthen shack becomes a palace, and Wang Lung quickly forgets the loyalty, ingenuity, and faithfulness of his hard-working wife. Rather, he begins to criticize her appearance and find reasons to seek satisfaction at tea houses with local harlots. (Just one of the many reasons I can't stand this guy!)

The saga continues with Wang Lung's continued conflicts with his children and with other members of his family. At the conclusion of the book, he is an old man preparing for death but crying out for his sons to refrain from selling the land he has loved so much. It's sad that the land, not his faithful wife nor his talented children, is the only thing he truly loves.

When I read more about Pearl S. Buck (link below), I discovered that she knew so much about Chinese culture during this period of time because she had lived in China for much of her life with her missionary parents. Pearl went on to establish the very first international adoption agency. She has written two other novels about Wang Lung's family, and I definitely plan to consume those soon!
http://nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/literature/laureates/1938/buck-bio.html

The Good Earth (Pearl S. Buck)

Foreign to Familiar (Sarah A. Lanier)

In our preparation to travel to an African country in the near future, we are attempting to learn as much as possible about other cultures. A fellow adoptive mom recommended this title, and I count it as a MUST READ for, well, anyone who deals with people. Do you fall into that category? ;)

Sarah Lanier is a world traveling professional who has spent significant time in a variety of cultures. She has discovered some keys to understanding the various cultures around the world.

In hot-climate cultures (Africa, Latin America, some US, etc.) people are more relational. Everything centers around relationships, and nothing is more important than how you make someone feel. To show respect for people, you must honor them as a person. All communication is indirect and must create a feel-good environment in order to honor the other person. Hot climate cultures are group-oriented, and people find identity and protection in their group. In these cultures, possessions are never an individual's (as in, I have a bike) and are alway's the group's (as in, WE have a bike). People prefer the company of others and are always careful never to hold private conversations in the company of others. Spontaneity is normal, and events are rarely planned in advance. When they are planned in advance, they do not begin at the time they were planned for (Example: In America we are accustomed to saying a wedding begins at 2:00. In Africa they might say the wedding is at 2:00, but it won't begin at that time. That is the time people begin making their way to the event.)

In cold-climate cultures (Europe, some US, etc.) everything people are more efficiency-driven. Everything centers around productivity, and nothing is more important than wise use of time. To show respect for people, you must honor their time. There is no care given to how someone feels. All communication is direct, in order to maximize efficiency. Cold climate cultures are more individualistic, and a person's identity is found in their self-standing and their ability to take initiative. Possessions are considered an individual's (it's MY bike, not OURS) and are responsible for maintaining and protecting them. People enjoy group events, but also prefer times of solitude and having space to themselves.

It's interesting to note that even within the given context of these cultures, people's personalities can also be individualized. A person can live in a hot climate culture like the American South, and still have some cold-climate tendencies such as valuing personal time and personal space. Also, a person can live in a cold climate such as Germany and still communicate indirectly.

These are only a few of the differences described in the book. It was a quick read, and very valuable for helping to understand where people are coming from, and how they think. You can best communicate with someone if you can understand their method of thinking. This knowledge will be very powerful when we are in Africa, but it is also good for understanding all sorts of people around us on a daily basis. I rarely say this because I believe that books are as different an unique as the people who read them, but this book is for everyone! 

Foreign to Familiar (Sarah A. Lanier)

Transcendent Spirit: The Orphans of Uganda (Douglas Menuez)

I posted this earlier on our family's adoption blog (http://www.wilsonsinuganda.blogspot.com/). As a book review, it's fitting for this space as well.

We recently got a smoking deal on several Uganda-related books on Amazon. Among them was this amazing photographic journal showing the plight of Ugandan orphans.


The reasons for abandoned children in Uganda (or any country) are many and all very sad. Transcendent Spirit addresses them all, including AIDS. poverty, lack of education, political unrest, and murder. On each spread there is a massive, beautiful photograph of one (or several) orphans, and accompanying it there is a name and description of that individual's story.

This book puts specific faces and smiles and tears and hurts on the unfortunately vague term, "orphan." One young girl (Zaina), whose past includes the death of her entire family to some strange curse (her tribe's concept of the AIDS virus), was apparently asked by the author/photographer what she thought was most special about her. Zaina's response was: "The most special thing about me? That I am alive."

Other orphans featured in the book talk about their escape from their terrible circumstances due to traveling to the United States with a concert/musical/dance troupe known as Spirit of Uganda (since 2008...previously known as Empower African Children). Their performances raise money and awareness for the orphanages in Uganda. I have not yet had the honor of seeing one of these presentations, but I'm definitely adding it to our family's life experiences list.

The book is really a picture essay, and what is said about pictures being worth a thousand words is very true. We just received our copy today, and have all sat together looking through it a few times. It helps us understand more about Miriam's culture. It helps us feel the hurt of her birth nation. It helps us realize that when we talk about how "there are 147 million orphans in the world," each one of them is just like the hurting, crying, starving, sick children and teenagers in Transcendent Spirit. It reminds us that every one in that 147 million has a name, a face, and a story.

I'm so thankful that in April, when we finally are united with our baby girl, that there will be ONE LESS.

Transcendent Spirit: The Orphans of Uganda (Douglas Menuez)

Adopted for Life (Russell Moore)

I have a daughter in Uganda, Africa.

As my family and I are moving through the process to finalize her adoption, I've gobbled up numerous books on this topic.

Adopted for Life is not a "how-to" guide. It is not a step by step manual to lead adoptive families through the incredibly difficult and entangled legal process that encompasses adoption. It is not an authority on how to choose a country or how to raise funds to complete your adoption process.

Adopted for Life is a call to action for Christians and the churches they inhabit. Russell Moore describes the pressing need of people to seek the opportunity to help care for the fatherless, hopeless, and helpless. He addresses the concerns of those who oppose transracial adoption, gives practical advice for initiating an orphan care ministry within local churches, and provides guidelines for dealing with the rudeness of others and with the questions from your adopted children regarding their arrival in the family.

Throughout all of this, he interweaves his own family's painful experiences with infertility, and meeting their sons through international adoption, as well as gumdrops of wisdom he learned along the way about these children, his faith, and our God.

Adopted for Life is one of those books that belongs on every shelf in every home with every family. Even those who are not called to adopt (and not everyone is) still play a critical role in helping alleviate the global orphan crisis.

Adopted for Life (Russell Moore)